Monday, May 18, 2015

Three Little Words


I never had a weight problem, and some would say I just need to proportion what weight I do have. But I have gained a lot of weight. People who just meet me don’t see it, but those who have known me for years see it.

Back story … I have always been thin. Then when I got married, I gained a healthy weight, I looked healthy and he left. I went to extreme dieting and got to the point where I couldn’t eat. When the doctor’s intervened I weighed 89 pounds.

I started putting the weight back on, but it didn’t stop. Then three years ago I entered into the perimenopause phase, and while I am now on the countdown to a period free life. That is the good news, the bad news is the weight gain. Aside from my age, I went from being active at work to being a full time writer at home. Which meant a bad eating schedule, and the exercise I get is lifting my drink to my mouth.

The result, those who watched my growing progress saw it. A friend’s wife felt the need to comment every time she saw me on how I got ‘chubby’, it made me insecure and in turn, I stopped going out socially. I wouldn’t go to parties, out to bars or to dinner, I stopped dating years ago. I felt like people judged me. Only going out with one friend, one I knew wouldn’t judge or say anything about my weight. For the most part I stayed home, playing grandma and … adding to that weight issue.

Wanna go to McDonald’s … sure, sweetie.
Ice Cream … oh yeah.
No, significant other, why care.

Then I started to care. I should lose weight, I thought.

Not that I haven’t tried dieting and losing weight before, I did. And last year at this time, I started to see minimal results, but then I wanted that cheeseburger and fries.

Screw it, I thought, I’m fifty.

But back to the title of my blog. Three words. While in a great mood, a good place in my life, I finally am financially able to throw a party for my granddaughter at Chuck E Cheese. It was there I pummeled once again.

My former mother in law was there, and as I dipped a piece of broccoli in ranch dressing she loudly proclaimed. “That is why you’re fat. I never saw you this big.”

In coming …. “You are fat”

She said it, I left in tears after paying for the party and didn’t even stay to the end. That was three weeks ago. After a week of feeling bad, flip flopping between ‘I will show her’ and ‘hell with it’,  I decided to do it. To try to lose the weight and take it seriously.

Officially seven days ago, I started the diet. Exercise every day, a peddle exerciser, low impact aerobics, and light weight lifting, along with a calorie restricted diet that I monitor through My Fitness Pal.

Will it work? Remains to be seen. I thought it was working, in fact, by Day 4, I had lost 2.8 pounds, then I got back on the scale today and I gained it right back. How? I haven’t a clue.

So instead of quitting and giving up, I have decided to diary this. I took a before picture, hopefully, the after picture will show results.


Although most entries won’t be this long.

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