Wednesday, May 20, 2015

I Want to Eat that Burger!

One of the topics I am finding hard to read about is the subject of food entitlement. Maybe because it doesn’t exist and is something I made up.

Now, I may even be using that term incorrectly but in reality it fits what I'm talking about and what I am experiencing.

Food entitlement

My definition: The dieters ability to feel that they are entitled to have food that they want to eat.

One of the things that I have noticed about being on this diet is I now want things that I never wanted before I started to eat healthy and watch my weight. I mean I am not a sweet eater. But now I walk past the bakery at the grocery store and want that chocolate cake. Not just a slice but the whole thing.  I can't even tell you the last time I had chocolate cake or wanted it.

I love fish. But now I don't even want to look at it and it isn't as if I am eating it anymore than I did prior to eating healthy. I always have fish two or three times a week. However the other day I craved a steak. I'm not a big steak fan. I had about 2 ounces of it and had enough.

So what is causing this? I can only believe that it is a mental thing. There is nothing different about what I am eating, I am just eating less of it. And I am exercising more. No, wait, I am now exercising instead of the only exercise being popping my food in my mouth as I work in front of my computer.

I have even found a way to enjoy my toasted bologna sandwiches.

Another definition of food entitlement is what my diet buddy is experiencing. She loves her cheese, and her soda pop. And feels at times why can't she have those. I believe she can, and actually has been really good about moderating her bad eating habits. But she, like me is just craving them. I'd love to hear why this is.

Yes I want to know why that inner voice is screaming, "Give me that cheeseburger. Why can't I have that juicy cheeseburger!"

It makes no sense especially since I hate cheese, and really ever eat cheeseburgers.

I trudge on, Constantly looking for snacks that will satisfy those cravings.

Day nine complete.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Misery Loves Company

The My Fitness Pal App is a godsend and a curse. Dieting is a lonely life, hence why I did what anyone would do, dragged my friend into the fray with me.

I have known her for forty plus years and she and I both have increased our weight over the years. Although she argues with me that she’s the biggest she has ever been, I don’t see it.

Because we are friends, we both love our food, who better to diet with?

I introduced her to the app. At first I told her she would get obsessive with it. She disagreed, but I see it happening to her. She is checking calories.

“Don’t go that Sheetz Mocha,” she said. “You won’t believe the calories in that.”

It makes me happy that she is doing this with me. I am certain, together, we are gonna crush this. Although I don’t think this summer we will rock a bikini bod … wait, rewind. While we are in the same age bracket as Demi Moore, unlike her we will never ‘wear’ a bikini again. However, a bathing suit isn’t out of the question as a goal for next summer.

Tess (we’ll call her) is a mere four days behind me. Her first day wasn’t as successful as she liked, and she argued food entitlement (Subject for the next blog) and the second day she did better. The third day even better. We both went out and  bought healthy snacks.

Yesterday I bought hummus and a few low sodium lean cuisines for low cal goodies I would otherwise have to pass on.

My lunch on Monday of a grilled chicken mini wrap and tabbouli salad left a lot to be desired. The small lean steak for dinner with broccoli was much better.

Yeah, btw I went there. I went to McDonald’s, the grandbabies were crying for Happy Meals. But at least I didn’t get my Big Mac. That to me was a milestone.

I keep trucking on.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Three Little Words

I never had a weight problem, and some would say I just need to proportion what weight I do have. But I have gained a lot of weight. People who just meet me don’t see it, but those who have known me for years see it.

Back story … I have always been thin. Then when I got married, I gained a healthy weight, I looked healthy and he left. I went to extreme dieting and got to the point where I couldn’t eat. When the doctor’s intervened I weighed 89 pounds.

I started putting the weight back on, but it didn’t stop. Then three years ago I entered into the perimenopause phase, and while I am now on the countdown to a period free life. That is the good news, the bad news is the weight gain. Aside from my age, I went from being active at work to being a full time writer at home. Which meant a bad eating schedule, and the exercise I get is lifting my drink to my mouth.

The result, those who watched my growing progress saw it. A friend’s wife felt the need to comment every time she saw me on how I got ‘chubby’, it made me insecure and in turn, I stopped going out socially. I wouldn’t go to parties, out to bars or to dinner, I stopped dating years ago. I felt like people judged me. Only going out with one friend, one I knew wouldn’t judge or say anything about my weight. For the most part I stayed home, playing grandma and … adding to that weight issue.

Wanna go to McDonald’s … sure, sweetie.
Ice Cream … oh yeah.
No, significant other, why care.

Then I started to care. I should lose weight, I thought.

Not that I haven’t tried dieting and losing weight before, I did. And last year at this time, I started to see minimal results, but then I wanted that cheeseburger and fries.

Screw it, I thought, I’m fifty.

But back to the title of my blog. Three words. While in a great mood, a good place in my life, I finally am financially able to throw a party for my granddaughter at Chuck E Cheese. It was there I pummeled once again.

My former mother in law was there, and as I dipped a piece of broccoli in ranch dressing she loudly proclaimed. “That is why you’re fat. I never saw you this big.”

In coming …. “You are fat”

She said it, I left in tears after paying for the party and didn’t even stay to the end. That was three weeks ago. After a week of feeling bad, flip flopping between ‘I will show her’ and ‘hell with it’,  I decided to do it. To try to lose the weight and take it seriously.

Officially seven days ago, I started the diet. Exercise every day, a peddle exerciser, low impact aerobics, and light weight lifting, along with a calorie restricted diet that I monitor through My Fitness Pal.

Will it work? Remains to be seen. I thought it was working, in fact, by Day 4, I had lost 2.8 pounds, then I got back on the scale today and I gained it right back. How? I haven’t a clue.

So instead of quitting and giving up, I have decided to diary this. I took a before picture, hopefully, the after picture will show results.

Although most entries won’t be this long.